I have lost the ability to sleep for more than four hours at a time.

Beyond that, I'm pretty fucking excited. Finally got back from my two-week stay at Lani's, chilled at faux-home long enough to do some laundry and realize my mother has become a filthy old woman, and now I'm off on a five-day trip across California with Amanda and her dad.

I am currently chilling more or less in the bathroom doorway (This bathroom, by the way, can blind you if you are not prepared. So fucking white.) of an inn in San Francisco so the hideously bright glare of my laptop doesn't wake them up. Because all the typing noises won't do that, yeah.

We're going up to see the Redwoods today, I believe. MY FAVORITE PLACE EVER.

We're going to romp around San Fran for at least two days. Most excellent news, seeing this is my first time here.

We're going to Alcatraz on Thursday. EEEE.

And lastly, before I slip back into the terrible abyss that is Encyclopedia Dramatica, I'd just like to say that the shitty Wi-fi I'm currently connected to is called BOIFAG.

Lawl.

Three weeks without power.

'Nuff said.

OH MY GOD I AM SO TIRED.

This is Lani, Amanda, and I trying to revert from an almost purely nocturnal schedule. I have been awake for very nearly 21 hours, and I'm trying not to go to bed until at least 6 p.m.

I have long since reached the point where I cannot think. I am staring at my computer wondering how the fuck am I going to entertain myself for four more hours, and giggling at the word "accordion."

Am I hungry? Is that a hunger growl? Or my stomach rebelling against the sixteen ounces of Rockstar agony slopping around my digestive system? I am too tired to fucking care about shit.

And I want to write, I think. If something is managed, laughter will be had later.

Fuck I just remembered like half a dozen things I need to do.

My mom, in the midst of looking for the original copy of my birth certificate in her giant box of shitImeanfiles, discovered something adorable.

"My Inventive Spelling Journal."

Circa age seven.

I COULD NOT SPELL. I have to share how adorable my illiteracy was, because it's not like I'm supposed to be packing enough clothes for three weeks away from home or anything.

---

Page one:
On Satrday i wit toa. Leck with my mom. Aat theLeck thre wrea dack's. and fish and stacku's. Cus the Leck belogis to a fase hose.

Page two:
On Sanday I played with my fraend Lena and hre brathr DiLn hes cinda mirn. Lena dosin't lick him nethr do. I but I get a long with him so das Lena thre Dad plas gatr. and maks scrpshs

Page three:
On Frinday and Satrday and Sunday I pleyed pingpog with my chasins. Karry, Trevr, Ryin, Megin, Mrickl, and my. Ants Shofon, and Marrean, and i pleyed pingpog with my mommy. and I won.

Page four:
On Sunday I wint to chrch and, we had a fun time. And, aftr chrch I mand a copie of my fish to give the copie to my frend LenA.

Page five:
On Monday I went to my friends has Vanesa and, hre sistr Danana and, thre brathr Dane and,. Thre baby brathr Tilr and, thre MoMMy Aaves

---

Dude, the fuck. I feel like i just read some Lewis Carrol with some secret code thrown in by a retard. I wish you could see the drawings that go with this thing. Everyone is standing with their arms thrown up like they're goalposts. Also, GIANT MANIACAL GRINS, HI.

I have no idea what stacku's, fase hose, mirn, or scrpshs mean. I mutilated my family's names. ALL of them. Correct spelling would be: Kerry, Trevor, Ryan, Megan, Michael, Siobhan, and Marrianne.

I really wish that one chick's name had been Danana. That would have been so cool.

/flashback

BILLY MAYS IS DEAD GUYS.

He will never scream about the wonders of Oxy-Clean again.

Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, and now Billy?! The fuck!

Side note: This is the sixth anniversary of my grandma Maude's death.

Jesus Christ, Amanda, you're mom makes brownies I would consider killing over.

Anyway, I passed the DLAB with a 110. The following is copy-pasta'd from about.com, my new favorite place for any and all military info.

---

The DLAB consists of 126 multiple choice questions. Applicable service policies require that each candidate for attendance at the Defense Language Institute be a high school graduate. For admission to a Basic Language Program, the following minimum DLAB scores are required:

* 85 for a Category I language (Dutch, French, Italian, Portuguese, and Spanish)
* 90 for a Category II language (German)
* 95 for a Category III language (Belorussian, Czech, Greek, Hebrew, Persian, Polish, Russian, Serbian/Croatian, Slovak, Tagalog [Filipino], Thai, Turkish, Ukrainian, and Vietnamese)
* 100 for a Category IV language (Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, and Korean)

Individual services or agencies may demand higher qualifying scores, at their discretion. For example, the Air Force and Marine Corps require a minimum score of 100 on the DLAB for all languages, although the Marine Corps will waiver it to a 90 for Cat I and II languages. The Air Force is not currently approving waivers.

---

So now I'm trying to figure out what my chances are of actually GETTING the job now that I'm eligible for it, and then how the whole who-gets-what-language thing works too. I seriously doubt I'll get to choose a language. This is the U.S. Military we're talking about, after all.

BUT EEEEEEE I FUCKING DID IT I'M THAT MUCH CLOSER TO DEPLOYING FUCK YES HAHAHA. If I pull this off I could be set for life. I am so excited, guys. EEEE.

I've been awake since 1:30 auuuuuuuugh.

I'm nervous for this test. Military shit always makes me nervous. MEPS isn't a fun place to be anyway. After all, last time I had to prance around in my birthday suit and pee in a cup in front of six people and get stabbed with a needle by a terrifying Asian woman and be asked the same questions over and over in an attempt to pressure me into admitting false or real truths and it's smack dab in the middle of an area rife with gang wars and fuuuuuuck.

This is a two hour test on GRAMMAR I'm gonna take.

My mom wants to learn how to play WoW.

This woman can barely use an email account.

And she wants to attempt an MMORPG.

I'm trying to imagine her noobing it up as an Orc and it's so hard not to laugh.

In other news, I've got an appointment at the DMV tomorrow to get a state ID, and Monday I'm going back to MEPS to take a DLAB to see if I qualify to become a Crypto Linguist. More on this later.

Also, FINALLY POSTED CHAPTER 21 WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Going with Sgt. Mexicano to Encino today to do a "basic training demonstration," whatever the hell that means. All I know is that it'll take around two hours and his superior Dimson (I feel bad for not remembering his rank. Only met him once but still.) will be in charge of it, since he used to be a drill sergeant down in Texas back in the day. I have no clue how rigorous this may or may not be, so I'm wearing a sports bra and sneakers to be safe. I bet I'll regret wearing jeans.

Lani's currently chilling with my mom and me at the house because of a miscommunication thing at Amanda's. Can I say that I love Fable II? Because holy shit, it is so fun to terrorize people in that game.

Also, woke up with "Nor Par" screaming in my head this morning. God, Eurovision. I love it.

Ugh, bet mom fell asleep again.

If there is one person or more on your friends list who makes your world a better place just because they exist and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the internet, then post this same sentence in your journal.

^- borrowed from ladyyatexel, because.

Kind of a varied entry, heads up.

Mom and I are more or less "moved in" to the house we're watching for the next six weeks. Until we make space for the futon they're giving us, we've been sleeping on their couch. It's surprisingly comfortable, at least compared to Amanda's old pull-out. I can stand without back pain, hallelujah.

However, I've spent the last two days curled up in a ball of "ow" thanks to my vengeful womb. Every couple of months I get a scary cycle like any chick, but man. Oh man, this is scary. Yesterday I almost passed out when I got up to answer the phone because of all the blood I lost. Times like these make me glad I'm not squeamish about the color red. Worst part about this whole thing is I have no pain killers. OW.

So to distract myself from feminine hell, I've been leveling an alt character on WoW whenever I'm sure Tony is at work or asleep. Still a shaman, because goddamn I love shammies so much, but I'm attempting the Alliance side of things with a Draenei. Fuck I keep forgetting anyone who bothers to read my journals doesn't play WoW. Um. Draenei are fanatical space goats with tentacles on their faces. And heavy Eastern European accents. And their dance sequences are based off of Shakira and Daler Mehndi. Awesome.

Anyway, both times I've gone to the Draenei city the racial leader (a 25,000+ year old psychic dude with a glowing forehead) was being slaughtered by the Horde for the achievement. Yes, WoW is that cruel. "Let's kill every enemy city leader for a shiny gold bar and a FREE BEAR. I feel so awesome about myself now, you don't even know." Yes.

I only mention the slaughter of old space goat-dude because both attacks happened within twenty-four hours of each other. Holy fuck, the Horde on the Bonechewer server seem to have the Alliance leaders on farm. This is very scary to me. Why? Because my many attempts to raid the dwarf leader have ended in failure. Forty well-geared Hordies cannot kill a four-foot tall dwarf on the Auchindoun server. And well, the Horde on Bonechewer is just awesome to me now. The Alliance seems kind of... retarded so far. Friendly, but retarded.

In life away from the computer, Lani came to town today (to my surprise) and will be staying at least one night here. Which means cleaning! Ha, I was supposed to do that hours ago. She got me a silly shirt for a grad present. Just a plain black T-shirt with my main WoW toon's info. It's cute. This is me feeling guilty that I haven't really attempted drawing her character yet as a gift to her.

Aaand here I am making a quiz and talking awkwardly with a dude about his ex on Facebook. This is where I need to get off the Internet. So I leave you with this:

THERE IS GOING TO BE A SEQUEL TO "BOONDOCK SAINTS," HOLY FUCK.

http://moviesblog.mtv.com/2009/05/19/boondock-saints-sequel-going-theatrical-full-of-raw-ass-gratuitous-violence/

None of you have any idea how much I love this film. There are no words, at least not now at three a.m. But god, love. I am so excited and here I am rekindling my love of crazy Irish rock bands instead of sleeping.

I need a 'fuck yes' icon so bad. Grease cannot express my excitement well enough. BILLY CONNOLLY. SCRAPPY IRISH TWINS. AND SO MUCH SWEARING AND DRINKING AND FIGHTING AND LAUGHING and Jesus, this movie defines the Irish spirit.

I am so sad this group hasn't done "Paradiso." I am in such love with this. I need to reread "The Divine Comedy." NOW. WHY ARE THE BOOKS IN STORAGE.

My time living here at Amanda's has made me appreciate Judas Priest. Thanks, Amanda's dad!

Just found like half my family on Facebook, and even if I wanted to, I couldn't friend a single one. Ugh.

Also, I'm disturbed by the sheer amount of near-pornographic deviations of Draenei ladies on dA. For a race of religious fanatics, there sure are a lot of beaver shots goin' on.

All my attempts to reconcile with the family have so far been met with failure. I wouldn't know about this failure without my mom, since THEY REFUSE TO FUCKING TALK TO ME. So yeah, everything I've managed to convey to them has just pissed them off more. It's getting hard to resist going completely apeshit on them via email. Except oh wait, Fawn DELETED her yahoo address--which she's had for as long as yahoo has been around--just so I couldn't reach her.

Super classy, Fawn. Seriously.

Good news, however. One of mom's clients (who happens to be an AP history teacher at Hart/attorney) asked her to house-sit while he and his family go away for pretty much all of summer. She couldn't be happier, especially if we consider that Bill and Marianne (the family she was staying with) had started threatening to throw all her shit out to the curb if she wasn't out by this weekend.

Again, classy.

I'll be going to visit these awesome people tomorrow with my mom. Apparently, their kids have been DYING to see me, so that'll be interesting. Wednesday will be spent moving yet more crap to our storage unit. Yay.

Also, attempts to be music-chummy with mom were met with failure today. Kiiiinda pissed about that, but I guess I can blame it on her "I have a place to live" euphoria.

"OH GOD I JUST WANT TO PLAY WARCRAFT AUGH," She screamed, as the withdrawal began to kick in at last.

I found a review in my hotmail inbox for a shitastic Yu-Gi-Oh fic I wrote when I was fourteen. It's so shitastic I've never been able to read through it completely, even right after finishing it. Also, I was a super-serious Wap back then, and we all know Waps are terrifying AND just kind of suck at everything creative. This chick (I assume) said the following:

that was so damn good wrote you made me cry
i never cry never 0_0
are you god or something?!

What's scary? Not the first time some reviewer has asked me that.

So talking to LYX last night made me realize I haven't spit out a journal in a while. So here we are.

It seems I'm more or less living at Amanda's now until I leave for Basic Training in August. It's only a tiny bit awkward, really, which is a nice change from living at Fawn's where I was awkward even with my bedroom door locked. Her parents have stressed multiple times already that they're cool with me being here, and unlike Fawn, I know they're telling the truth, no strings attached. Only thing I'm really worried about is that I've only got about 20% of my clothes here and I'm already all over the living room. I write this wearing my last clean shirt.

I managed to pull the second essay out of my ass with surprising speed, so I got to graduate ON TIME. Awesome. There was, of course, the usual stress my mom and I create any and every time I/we need to get dressed up, and of course this time I was tromping around shirtless in Amanda's living room rather than in my own. At least I had a courtesy towel. Favorite part of the evening? Gotta be when somebody whipped out the penis-shaped beach ball. Least favorite? Somebody whipped out a blow-up monkey RIGHT before my name was called. Stood there for like three fucking minutes rolling my eyes with Mrs. Parra, WHO I WILL MISS VERY MUCH. Best government teacher ever, seriously.

Mom found me hugging and screaming at various band kids. She was in a complete state of "Oh my baby girl is so wonderful! <3333" which was both cute and startling. She doesn't cry often but when she does, holy fuck. Bah, I just realized something. I can't refer to myself as a band kid anymore. That's been my stereotype since third grade. ...Gonna move on.

Got my diploma on Friday, found out I won an award called the Golden State Seal Merit. Basically means I both graduated and I got an awesome score on at least six different state tests. Yay me. Also, rained yesterday. I'm still amazed at how much Amanda and her mom dislike the rain.

Was supposed to go to the recruitment office today so Sgt. Mexicano could drive me and two other of his recruits to Sherman Oaks, where we were to do something called DEFCON. Google tells me this stands for "Defense Readiness Coordination." Basically, running. However, Sgt. Mexicano called me at seven a.m. and told me his wife had gone into labor with their second child. I was excused from going since he was my ride. Awesome for everybody.

Lastly, I plan on taking a test (the name escapes me) to see if I have the capabilities to become a Crypto Linguist in the Air Force. Airforce.com summarizes the job thusly:


"You will operate voice communications equipment, conduct frequency search missions, assist in operation of direction-finding equipment, transcribe recorded voice communications signals and analyze transcripts of voice communications signals. (NOTE: This is an overseas/CONUS imbalance specialty, and most Air Force personnel working in this job are assigned to overseas locations. This specialty does not require any direct oral interpretation of spoken foreign language, English to foreign or foreign to English.)"

Basically, I'd become fluent in a foreign language (pretty sure not my choice which one), and then I'd go overseas and spy on people who speak that language. So cool.

Okay, I'm supposed to be looking up zoos now.

I just remembered I don't have to be at school until after ten because of finals. Maybe I'll get lucky and manage an hour of sleep.


Pffffft.

So far got an essay done and filled out the study sheet for the photo final. Here's hoping I can summon up enough "I-care-about-dead-problems" energy to write about some Mexican chick who failed at UCLA.

Note to self: get all film and camera from Honnen.

I need school to be a non-issue so I can draw crazy tango art. I NEED.

I GOT MY LAPTOP BACK, MOTHERFUCKER.

That, and a shit load of other stuff. Fawn took my class ring, one of my cameras, forty dollars I had in singles in a jewelry box, and my debit card though. Awesome.

Serious chance of me being able to graduate, IF I GET THE FUCK OFF THE INTERWEB AND WRITE TWO ESSAYS GRAAAAAAAAGH ALLNIGHTER TIME GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

This is me semi-high on a rockstar/latte monstrosity made of deliciousness.